The prayer

I found this poem in one of my journals. Written in November 2013. What a pleasant morning surprise to find a beautiful piece of writing, written by me, in another time.. revealing the beauty of my soul.



When I am performing I am in
When I am not, I want to run away!
When I am high, I am driven
When I am low, I hit a limbo
Not doing anything I just sit...
Getting murky like a pond.

I want to be the river flow
Gently break through the hard rocks
Big boulders that fill me with fear
An impossible desperation
Not letting me see what's beyond.

And I know
The only way to see what's beyond
Is to gently flow.
Flow towards it slowly
A drop at a time.
A trickle at a time.

I dream...
For beyond could lie the drop for a waterfall
Or a magnificent forest
Or a vast ocean that awaits me...

Can I  know what lies ahead I ask myself?
I can only intend to surge forward
No matter how long a time
Something is bound to unfold.
For I am the river
Unbridled creativity, vision and boundless intuition

Listen to the stillness, my beating heart
Listen to the stillness, follow the light within
Let your light shine for courage is destiny!

Clarrisa pinkola

“A Prayer
Refuse to fall down
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar, 
ask that it be filled. 
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart
toward heaven
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this, 
is not yet listening.
” 
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can Never Die

The past few mornings I have been waking up with a cluttered head, a panic in my breath as if i am on a rocking boat in the middle of a storm of sorts.. the storm is inside me.. its cloudy most days but the sun peeks through occasionally. even sitting down to listen to my breath has been a very challenging task. Today I feel rested calm, maybe the long walk and conversations cleared a block in me.. but this morning my thoughts felt like a song-

I choose not to know all the answers and glide,
Even though on some days it feels like I am falling.

I choose to focus only on the next step and edge a small distance ahead,
Even though on some days I get impatient and angry with myself.

I choose to love myself and honour my creativity,
 Even though on some days I am blinded to my own talents and brilliance.

I choose to hold my own hand, when I see none other,
Even though on some days the one person I want to escape is me.

I choose to breathe and hear the sounds of the waking birds each morning,
Even though on some days my head is a war - full of noise and muddle.

I choose to find the light within me, and look ahead,
Even though on somedays I want to give up and wallow in being a victim.

I choose to celebrate every spirit I encounter each day,
 Even though on some days I feel I am understood by no one, not even myself.

I choose to claim my power,
Each day, in reminding my self  that 'I choose'.